Day 2 - Immerse

Day 2, the choices in our lives

Originally written in Vietnamese by Ngoc Pham, translated by …

This article is my harvest after 2 days with the Art of Hosting training (AoH). Before coming here, I had no idea what AoH was, so my body-mind-spirit was free to dive into the experience and reflection. To make sure I was fully present, I did not have my phone on me. So I shall share from my notes and memory, instead of summarizing the agenda of the day.

The first activity, as always, was a check-in. We were led through some physical activities. I understood that this part was not only meant for energizing the atmosphere and preparing us for the day. From those very first moments, I felt a connection with everybody, simply because we were all doing the same thing. That “togetherness” ignited many similarities among people who had been strangers just the day before. I got tearful because I felt being held.

Then my eyes flashed with the joy of a child, thanks to the “meta-harvest” that came next. We were reminded of the “fruits” of learning from the first day. Those two activities were simple, but I think it helped open us up for the rest of the day.

On that second day, the teaching and experience that touched me the most were the “Chaordic Path” and “Story Trio”.

Chaordic Path

For all of our systems, there are four possible states: chamos, chaos, order, control.

Just from hearing about those states, I was transported back to different parts of my life. Like a string of beads, they came and each took a state. I realized I had experienced all of these states before, but only now were they named and recognized.

Besides the joy of knowledge and seeing it in my life, this part made me feel comforted and somewhat forgiving of myself. The reason was because I deeply sympathize with the so-called “chamos” and “control”. When I was living in environments with these states, my heart cried out in despair and pain. At that time, I always doubted myself when I saw that my voice was always ignored, censored, and imposed. Now I understood that it was simply because I am suitable for a different space and perhaps my inner voice was right. At the same time, a desire arose:

“Why don’t I create a chaordic path – the path between chaos and order – in my family? Could this be the key to my relationships?“

Right after that, we were invited into a pair discussion. My deep longing surfaced during those short ten minutes. I took the initiative to find an older partner to learn a new perspective. And in a strange way, it was like we embodied the roles of two generations in a family, speaking out long-standing pains. She shared about the lack of deep connection with her children, which made her feel hurt. I talked about not daring to confide in my parents for fear of making them worry. We just kept talking and understanding. Once again our eyes sparkled, first with tears, then with hope. At that moment, I believed that after the training, there would be changes in the lives of at least two families.

Story Trio

We divided into small groups of 3, each taking turns being the storyteller, the listener, and the observer. And it seems that the universe once again arranged for people who needed each other to find each other. Unintentionally, the stories related to different roles in the family were poured out in the same flow of the conversation earlier.

My experiences with my daughter made a young person question herself: “I used to believe I’d never have children. But your story makes me think that maybe my own children will help me become a better version of myself.”

Then came the disclosure of another young person: “I’ve never told anyone this except my husband, I don’t know why I’m telling you.” Her words were mixed with sobs and tears. I practiced listening in silence. I empathize with her, just like with my older partner’s story from earlier. It is strange that both people are in the same situation and in opposite roles.

It is difficult to tell people what I have gained from my time with AoH. To sum it up, I have experienced a very different way of life, where everything is simply about asking for what you need and offering what you can. It is different from what I struggle with every day: “I need” this, “I have to” that, always intertwined and confusing. And I think that only when we experience different things can we make choices.

Thank you AoH for showing me that I have a choice. Of course, what I take away is not only the positive things, but also confusion that needs clearing. “Is my choice idealizing things?“, “Will I be able to choose as I want?“

To find the answers, I will probably need more time to practice and join a few more trainings.

What about you? What ways of living have you experienced? What impact have they had on you? Do you have a choice?